THE NETWORKING SURVIVAL GUIDE

Practical Advice to Help You Gain Confidence, Approach People, and Get the Success You Want

The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc.

Contents

Excerpt

CHAPTER 1

Overview

Getting to know youGetting to know all about youGetting to like youGetting to hope you like me

~ From The King and I, Rogers and Hammerstein

Paula Boggs loved cookies. So when the executive assistant to the CEO called totell her that cookies had been delivered for her, she said she would be rightover.

She was very excited about her new job as the general counsel for Starbucks. Sheopened the card, and the gift was from Doc Spade. He was the mail guy who camearound each day at the law firm of Perkins Elmer and Ellis, where she hadpreviously worked. Paula had always enjoyed her conversations with him. Theirchats were a welcome diversion from her cases, and he was a nice guy to catch upwith on what was happening in his life and at the firm. She thought it curiousthat Doc would send her a congratulatory gift on her new position, and even morethat it should come via the CEO's office. The executive assistant explained. JimDonald, the president and CEO of Starbucks, was from the same small town southof Seattle as Doc. When he saw that someone from Perkins was a candidate for thegeneral counsel's job, Jim called to get a reference from his friend of 40years—Doc Spade.

It is indeed crucial to keep your network up-to-date and refreshed. Having saidthat, there are many people that we overlook because we assume that they do nothave anything to offer. Fortunately for Paula, she realized that anyone andeveryone was worthy of her time and appreciation.

Maybe I'm just lazy, but one of the reasons that I like networking is thatothers help me. There's just no way I can get everything done by myself. If Iask people to make an introduction or give me an idea, it means that more mindsare better than one.

From your first conversation in the morning until your last conversation atnight, you are networking. Many people don't realize that they are networkingwhen that is exactly what they are doing. If you have lunch with someone a fewtimes a year to stay in touch, that's networking. If you participate on a boardor community group, you are networking. If you recommend an attorney to yourneighbor, you are networking.

• Have you ever recommended someone for a job?

• How did you get your biggest client?

• Is there someone you meet every so often for a cup of coffee?

• How did you find out about your favorite restaurant?

• How did you find that great vacation spot?

• Where did you find out about your apartment or house?

• Whom do you call to raise money for your favorite charity?

Networking is the art of building and sustaining mutually beneficialrelationships. There is a worthwhile reason for all parties to participate. Ithappens at home, at work, in our community, with everyone.

THERE ARE THREE TYPES OF PEOPLE—WHICH ONE ARE YOU?

It is said that there are three types of people in the world:

1. Those who make it happen

2. Those who watch it happen

3. Those who wonder what happened

Think of an inverted stoplight—do you make things go, do you proceed withcaution, or do find yourself stopped dead in your tracks? Networked people makethings happen, and they know others who do so as well. They are sought after asproblem solvers and solution providers.

Which light are you? In this book, we'll discuss how you can make things happenand teach yourself the networking tools and techniques that will make yousuccessful.

WHY READ THIS BOOK?

I taught my first networking workshop to a nonprofit association that wanted tooffer its members some tools and techniques to maximize their networkingopportunities. While networking opportunities abound, the process isn't clearand is open to interpretation. That can cause some confusion and frustration.The Networking Survival Guide is designed to help make order out ofchaos. It focuses on two facets of networking:

1. The outside, the practical, the skills, or the "how-to." These are aspectsthat can easily be learned with some training and practice.

2. The inside, spiritual education. This is the connection to others that wefeel when we network and the possible reasons we may be hesitant to do so.

Here are some comments and questions that I kept hearing. See if they resonatewith you.

• When I meet someone, I don't know what to say.

• I feel as if I'm bothering people.

• If someone doesn't return my call in a week, do I call again?

• When I'm given someone's name, is it okay to use it?

• How often should I follow up?

• What method is best?

• How many times should I follow up?

• What organizations should I be a part of?

• Networking takes too much time.

Be easy on yourself. So far, it's been the luck of your family, your education,your genes, and your environment that has determined your networking aptitude.Somehow you were expected to learn this essential lifelong skill from a varietyof people and places without a curriculum or any structure.

Imagine about five or six people who all wear the same size shoe. They take offtheir right shoe, move one place to the right, and put on the right shoe of theperson standing next to them. I bet the shoe feels a bit weird.

That is what this book will do for you and networking. You are going to learnand/or refine best practices and adapt them to your needs. Best practices arelike new shoes: The more you wear them, the more they become made just for you.They protect what literally holds you up, they express your individuality, andthey anchor you.

Summary: Getting to know people and letting others get to know you beginsthe cycle that empowers the networking process. Best practices make you feelconfident, like your favorite shoes.

REASONS WE NETWORK

No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of thecontinent, a part of the main.

~ John Donne (1572–1631)

You need other people in your life, and they need you. It is unrealistic andimpractical to do everything by yourself. You need others to help you get thingsdone, both in business and personally. Why should someone help? Why are youasking?

When you know the right person to get a task accomplished, and that personreturns your phone call, you save

• Time

• Money

• Energy

Some of the common reasons that people network are

• Business development or sales

• Raising business capital

• Professional/career development

• Getting a job, assistance with career management, or a job transition

• Recruiting board members, management, or employees

• Fund-raising for a nonprofit, such as a charity or an educational institution

• Social or personal reasons

When I first wrote The Networking Survival Guide in 2003, friendwas a noun, not a verb. A lot has changed in these past few years. Socialnetworking sites have given the average person access to many people who wouldotherwise be out of reach.

That's both good and bad. In this revised edition, I'll share with you the bestways to intertwine offline and online networking. I'll introduce you to aconcept that I call "hybrid" networking, which is a blend of the two.

In the past, our business and personal networks were separated. The termsocial networking just meant going to a barbecue or some other placewhere you were unlikely to see people you knew from work.

This book is written from a business perspective, but the principles are alsoapplicable to social or personal networking. Most of the examples will involveprofessionals who are seeking to expand their network. For example, suppose youwant to start a business, and you need working capital. You want to meet peoplewho can help you. If you are job hunting, you want to expand your network tolearn about companies and where you can make a contribution. If you are raisingfunds for a music camp, you want to find alumni and/or music lovers who will bemore likely to make a donation.

Whatever your reasons for networking, The Networking Survival Guide willhelp you determine the most effective techniques for your situation. Who is thebest person to approach? What do you need to know? What is the best method? Whatare some strategies that will help you succeed?

When you get directions to someone's house, there are typically several ways toget to the destination. If there is construction, the path may change.Similarly, in networking, there are many ways for you to arrive at yourdestination. The goal is to find a path that works for you. On occasion, try anew route.

Summary: Whatever your reason for networking, it is a valuable lifelongskill. Get started, learn, and have fun!

NETWORKING CAN BE LEARNED

Often I hear people say that they can't network—they just are not wiredthat way. My goal is to show you that even the most introverted person canindeed network. I won't try to make you be someone you are not. And youabsolutely don't have to love walking into a cocktail party. I do wantto share with you ways in which you can make connections—both online andoff—that are rewarding and comfortable.

Every successful professional realizes at some point that he needs businesstraining in order to reach the next level of his career. It is at this pointthat we begin to understand that we cannot do everything ourselves, and thatindeed there may be some skills that we need to develop.

When our company, Effective Networking, Inc., leads a workshop, typically peopleare a bit nervous at the beginning. They know that they are going to be doingthings that are outside of their present comfort zone, such as introducingthemselves to the group, doing some role playing, and learning new skills.

During a workshop, my first question often is, "Who loves to floss?" The facialexpressions say it all. They glance at the door and wonder how they can slipout. Often there are one or two oral hygiene fanatics who raise their hand andsay that they love to floss. Next I ask, "Who is competent at flossing?"Ah—the shoulders go down and the smiles appear.

Your dentist doesn't really care if you floss. They're your teeth, notyour dentist's! But if you want to keep them, it's best to take care of them,even if flossing is a chore you really don't like. It's okay not to likeit; you just have to be competent at it.

Lastly, I ask, "Who outsources flossing?" Usually that gets a laugh. I thenpoint out that you can't outsource networking, either. So you might as welllearn to do it well.

Give yourself permission to learn networking and do it well, even if you don'tlove it. It's one of those skills—like typing—that you'll be reallyglad you took the time to get right.

Networking is like the express (HOV) lane on the highway. It works in a crowd,it requires more than one person, and it gets you where you want to get a lotfaster!

Those who are intellectually gifted value "people" skills and know that theseskills will help them get things done in life and accomplish the task moreeasily, more quickly, and with less hassle to all around them.

Summary: Be a lifelong learner and add networking to your portfolio oftalents.

BENJAMIN FRANKLIN AND THE INTERNET

Each generation must transform the knowledge of the past into the promise ofthe future.

~ Unknown

In 1727, Benjamin Franklin and other patriots formed a club for the purpose of"mutual improvement." The group valued education so highly that the club memberswere instrumental in starting the University of Pennsylvania. In hisautobiography, Franklin writes, "I had form'd most of my genius acquaintanceinto a club for mutual improvement, we met on Friday evenings."

Some of the questions required for membership were

• Do you sincerely declare that you love mankind in general, of whateverprofession or religion?

• Do you love truth for truth's sake, and will you endeavour impartially to findand receive it yourself, and communicate it to others?

Imagine what it would be like to meet each week with people of the caliber ofBenjamin Franklin. The value of their intellects and viewpoints was so high thatthey wanted to learn from one another and share their knowledge.

In the 1700s, this group was obviously limited to those in the geographic area.We are now blessed with access to the entire world via the Internet. You canlearn from others who are many miles away, and vice versa. The talent poolavailable to you has grown from your local neighborhood to a global one.

At first, many of those who embraced the Internet assumed that it would replaceface-to-face interaction. While the Internet has facilitated communication inmany regards, in-person time is still highly valued. When the economy shifted,the people who were able to survive and even thrive were the people who had anetwork in place and knew how to call upon it.

We are indeed blessed at this time to have both technology and face-to-faceinteraction as part of our networking repertoire. In this book, you'lllearn how to create your own "club of mutual improvement" and find ways tomaximize your use of technology to enhance and manage your network for life.

Summary: We all want to belong. Find a group of people that share yourinterests and where you can be successful.

THE "PRESENT"

Yesterday's the past and tomorrow's the future. Today is a gift—whichis why they call it the present.

~ Bill Keane

The word present is extremely important in networking. It has multiple meanings,and all of them are relevant to networking.

• To be successful in networking, you need to be present. You need to bein attendance. Some people say that they can multitask, but when they arechallenged, many of these people retreat and admit that none of the projects (orpeople) that they are dealing with are getting the attention they deserve. Ifyou are speaking with someone in person, she is your priority. If this isn't thecase, then cancel the meeting, because you really aren't present. You arepreoccupied.

• "My present information tells me that the outlook for next year isvery strong." Your information is current. It is relative. It should be listenedto by others. Be a news junkie!

• "I'd like to present the Ambassador of Spain." Present canalso mean an introduction. You are facilitating a meeting between two people.

• Pre-sent—before you can be present, you need to do your preparationwork. Then you can genuinely be present because you are familiar with theaudience, organization, and so on. Pre means "before." Before you sendyourself, know where you are going.

• Last but certainly not least, remember that the word present alsomeans gift. When you are networking, you are a gift to that person, and he is agift to you! By solving the person's problem, you take away his frustration andgive him peace. You are a solution to the person's problem, and perhaps viceversa.

Summary: In order for networking to be worthwhile, you need to give as muchas you take.

WHY THE OTHER PERSON SHOULD CARE

No person was ever honored for what he received. Honor has been the rewardfor what he gave.

~ Calvin Coolidge

Everyone in the entire world listens to the same radio station: WII-FM—"what'sin it for me"! You make time for others and they make time foryou when there is some benefit for both parties. The payback doesn't have to betangible; in fact, in many cases, it is not. When you take the time to learnabout someone else's livelihood and interests, you are more likely to get thatperson's time and attention.

If it's not clear what's in it for the other person, then acknowledge that. Say,"I'm not sure what I can do for you; however, I want you to know that Iappreciate your efforts and hope you will let me know how I can help you."

People do not always expect cash compensation or immediate remuneration. In somecases, it's getting to know you and having someone appreciate your skills thatmerit a person's effort.

Listen to the challenges that the other person is facing. When I was seekingfunding to grow my business, I spoke with someone who could help. In the courseof the conversation, she mentioned that she was looking for a contact at aspecific organization in Dallas. I introduced her to someone who had connectionsthere, and she was thrilled. I had called to get help from her and ended upgiving help instead.

Summary: You have something to give everyone. It just takes a few questionsto figure it out. If it's not immediately apparent, then stay connected topeople of the quality that you want in your life. Something good will come ofit.

PERSONAL BRAND

Wherever you go, you represent more than just yourself. Years ago, when I wasworking in Europe, I had a colleague in the travel industry who commented on howdifficult it must be for me to be an American. She explained that from herperspective, the world looks to the United States to fix global problems andblames the United States when things go wrong. She was delighted to be from asmaller country, so that when people met her, they didn't expect so much fromher country, and, indirectly, from her.

Companies create brands for each of their products. The messages associated withthese brands convey to us reliability, value, and trust. We feel safe withbrands we have known for years—for example, Ivory soap's claim of being99.44 percent pure.

When you see someone walking down the street with a Starbucks cup, youautomatically make assumptions about that person. It's the same with someonewearing Nike shoes or driving a VW bug. Brand is a combination of function andemotion. The product or service has to meet our needs, but we also have to likeit.

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(Continues...)Excerpted from THE NETWORKING SURVIVAL GUIDE by DIANE DARLING. Copyright © 2010 by Diane C. Darling. Excerpted by permission of The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc..
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